20 weeks

This week I hit my half way mark! I am 20 weeks and am feeling the best I have since getting pregnant. There is more hope! :) I still haven't felt her move, and they say when I do I might barely notice it. I only throw up a couple times a week. I have a harder time sleeping because of lower back pain. I think baby girl likes to rest on my nerve which can be pretty painful, but nothing I can't handle. I miss my preggers pillow at home, but other than that I have no desire to go back to Utah for our last semester of school. I feel like I am starting to grow fast, which means baby girl is getting bigger and stronger too. :)

It is still weird for me to think that I am having a little girl. Or a baby at all really. Maybe its because I've been so sick and also so busy with school that I don't have time to just sit and soak it all in. I've been in survival mode lately, but I am hoping that reality will set in soon. Maybe I should start buying some cute baby clothes or something to help me out ;). Josh has been so fantastic through out this whole pregnancy and I think I get most excited thinking about him holding our little girl. She will probably be a daddy's girl and I am 100% okay with that. How could she not with how amazing he is?!

We are enjoying our holiday vacation and will update on those adventures later on. :)

pregnancy update: 18 weeks

I am just over 18 weeks pregnant and my belly decided to really pop out just in the last week! I've been feeling better the last two weeks as well and I am so grateful for that! Just in time for the busy time of the semester with all the projects I had to turn in and the finals that we have to take this next week. I've been throwing up less, am pretty tired, have sore hips, and am itchy just about everywhere. I am looking forward to people being able to tell that I'm pregnant instead of the awkward "i look like i'm just gaining weight for no reason" stage. I also am looking forward to pants that fit (not sure when that will happen again), feeling baby girl moving around and just enjoying this stage of pregnancy hoping that I continue to be less sick.

Finals are this week and then we are off to Colorado to enjoy our much needed vacation with both of our families! Life is good and we feel truly blessed.

gender reveal

We are having a girl! It is crazy to me that there is a little human growing inside me and it is crazy and awesome that instead of saying "it" I can say "she". It hasn't quite set in that we are having a little girl, but this girl is going to be spoiled with love. She will have her girl cousins to be best friends with and she continues on our tradition of all girls in the family. Baby girl, we love you more than you will ever know and our love is only going to continue to grow. We pray every day that you will be healthy and strong and to thank Heavenly Father for our little princess!

thanksgiving in memphis

Thanksgiving week I was so blessed to spend it in Memphis with my oldest sis, Alyssa and her cute family. It was the first time that I have met my little twin nieces. They were 6 weeks old and so adorable!! I just couldn't get enough of them. One week was not enough to soak up enough time with those little ones. Even though we did not leave the house much, it was an awesome break. We played games like just Dance, Pandemic and Settlers, we ate lots of yummy food, we talked for hours, we napped when we could, we took some pictures (mostly of the girls), listened to Christmas music, put up their Christmas tree, Skyped the rest of the family, watched Christmas movies and just enjoyed each other's company. I loved every minute of it. And guess what the most miraculous part of the whole trip was? I did not throw up ONCE. My record before this trip had been a day in a half of not throwing up. Although I went back to getting sick after getting home, I feel a greater since of hope that soon I will get better. Well, here is the most important part of the trip... some pictures!

thoughts of an overwhelmed 14 week pregnant girl

**I never posted this. I wasn't sure if I even should. But I when I reread it I remembered the desperation and feelings that I had that week (and throughout pregnancy to this point) and since this is a record of my life that I want to help me remember, I think its good to be real. And this post, it is real.

The decision to try and get pregnant is one of the most scary, amazing, faith-filled decision for me to make. I knew that it would be hard, and that being in school would add a little extra challenge. I have learned more about myself in that I like a challenge. I don't like when things are too easy because I don't feel like I'm progressing anywhere. But boy. Did I not expect this. I love the fact that I am pregnant and I do not want to sound like I am taking that for granted at ALL! I know that I am so blessed and though the journey to get here wasn't the easiest either, I just never expected this to be THIS HARD. From pretty much day 1 I have spend most of my time either thinking about throwing up, how to get to the nearest bathroom/trash can and actually throwing up. I am not a fan of throwing up to begin with (well, who is!), so when I started to average about 5 times a day, I thought I was going to die. The medicine that people said made night and day different, HA.It mocks me. It does practically nothing. It is physically and mentally draining to spend so much time over a toilet or trashcan, not being able to keep much food down and not enjoying eating anything. Coming from someone who loves to enjoy a good meal or snack, the eating thing has been extra tough as well. I don't cook anymore. I eat cereal and husband, well somehow he is surviving this as well (not exactly sure how!). Cleaning doesn't seem to happen either. I can barely pull clothes onto my body when I get up for school in the morning. I am on campus from 8-5 (or 7 on Wednesdays) and when I come home, I can barely think. So I honestly don't know how ANY homework gets done. Once I am home I am wasted and usually throw up a lot. I don't like to do anything, because I never feel well. I am just overall not myself. I have the feeling that I will never be normal again. That sound dramatic, and in ways it is. But that is how I feel. They say that after 12 weeks you should start to feel better... well I am now at 14 weeks and my throwing up is still in full throttle! I feel desperate and discouraged. I want so badly to be myself again.