39 weeks

As of today I officially have FOUR DAYS until my due date. FOUR. DAYS. I just  cannot even tell you how hard that is to believe. She could come today (not feeling like that is very likely) and our little lives will be changed forever! As her due date has approaches, so have little anxieties. The closer I am more the more I realize how life is going to change. And at the same time I still have NO CLUE what life is actually going to be like. I get anxious for the change. I get selfish and sometimes don't want her to come because it will never just be Josh and me again.

I have so loved our life together so far and the time that we have just him and me. Parts of me wishes that I could keep it that way forever. But this isn't what someone who is about to have a baby should feel like, some might say. But they are true feelings if I am being honest with you and myself. And at the same time I worry, I also know that this little girl is going to add depth and love to our relationship that we never thought possible and I get so excited to meet her! I want to know what she looks like, her little habits and I am so excited to see her personality grow and develop. This little life has so much potential and I get to bring her into this world and be her mom.

As for actual delivery, that is always daunting and even though I have researched, read, heard and even was there for the birth of my niece, there is still so much unknown for how my labor and delivery process will go. I try to not think too much about that part of things. I know I am strong. Stronger than I think. And when the time comes, and the pain is real, I will be able to handle it. I will have Josh by my side and continual prayers of strength.

Each day the tension seems to build and I wonder when it is actually going to happen! I never thought she would be early, but I'm hoping that she will be on time ;). It is difficult to walk much, I keep a pretty slow pace and I get tired pretty quickly. I keep organizing as much as I can and cleaning to make sure things are as ready as they can be for the big day. As scary as it can all feel, I am ready. Josh is ready. And we are so excited!