40 weeks and 2 days

Well this picture was taken yesterday at my 40 week and 2 day mark. I cannot really say how much I hated (and still hate) answering the question of when am I due. "Any day now" people think because of my round tummy and tired eyes. And when I say two days ago, their eyes get even bigger and they say something about any second now. I wish for any second now. And then I hear all the stories of people and how they were such and such days or weeks late or the story of 4 months early and I should be grateful... etc. I am grateful. I am grateful for the amazing body that I have been given and how strong it has been to carry this little girl. I am grateful that she is healthy and that I am healthy. But those "extra few days of sleep" or whatever else might be a "plus" of her not being here yet really doesn't make any sense to me. Is one more day of sleep really going to make the difference? No. And is one more day of waiting really going to change much? No.

So I go back and forth with myself. Trying to be rational. Trying to be patient and calm and everything else that everyone (including myself) expects me to be. And at the same time trying to balance my fear and anxieties that increase everyday. Those same anxieties that seem to not be allowed or accepted by others. I'm not allowed to show that I am scared or that there are things that make me more and more nervous as time goes on. I'm not allowed to feel these things, and that is what I dislike the most. I am told not to feel a certain way because of course everything works out, there's nothing I can do about it and so many other people before me have gone through this and have been just fine. The way I feel is brushed off and I'm supposed to just be perfect and be okay with how things are happening.

I wish we were all more accepting of each other. Accepting of the fact that it is okay to feel all these different emotions in life. Feeling is what makes us human. But I agree that moving forward despite our fears is what is key. I try to do that each day. Pregnancy has been an amazing journey and has tested me in so many ways. I have some days where I am really tired, but other than that I would say that at over 40 weeks I am doing pretty well. Prayers that baby girl will make her debut soon and prayers that all will go well!